**Warning. The following is a story I've been over-thinking all day. You may skip it now, read a different post or do this instead (click me!)**
You know how you have those moments in your life where you inwardly cringe at yourself. Maybe you did or said something stupid? And you over think the situation. Then one day, when you least expect it and you have too much time to think you catch yourself cringing again at that stupid thing you did one day. I had one of those today.
Before today I didn't think I was that socially awkward. I laughed at those people who said awkward, inappropriate things at completely the wrong time. I knew I could make people feel really uncomfortable and awkward - if I wanted to - but I mostly said the right things and could feign interest with seamless ease. Oh, how little I knew.
Today we all went to Wellington so that the boys could go and watch Jurassic Park 3D and us girls could go shopping. We were walking down Courtney Place, after dropping off the boys, where I was walking behind some relatively slow walkers. You know the ones. I have to say they weren't really walking that slowly but I walk at executive I'm-important-so-hurry-it-up speed so it was slow for me. Anyway, I finally saw an opportunity to walk past these loony men talking animatedly to each other when I turn to see that it's Ben Hurley and Steve Wrigley I am inwardly cursing about (for foreign viewers they are New Zealand comedians. Look 'em up. They're hilarious. And hopefully forgiving of weirdos). Of course, I do a double take and they notice that I've recognised who they are.
I think to myself "Quick, think of something witty and clever and relevant to say. Something that'll be mildly amusing." I say the first thing that comes to my head, it's not clever or witty. At all. I have to say something, though, or it'll make it awkward. Or at least more awkward because I'm taking so long to say anything.
"Oh my god!" I say in a theatrical tone "You walk so slooowly." I instantly say shut up in my head. What the actual fuck? I could have said anything! Anything in the world. A normal person would have said "Oh my god, it's Ben and Steve. Can I take a picture?" (Probably what they were expecting) or "Wow, you're way more beard-ie than you appear on TV." but I have to talk about their pace. They become apologetic, with Ben saying he was just laxing out and both giving tentative laughs because they have no freaking idea who I am and I'm talking like where best friends or something.
After a half apologetic (because I'm an idiot), half terrified smile from me, I bolt on out of the situation. I walk super-human executive pace. Dear god. Why me? Why couldn't I just pretend I didn't know who they were at all?
And that is the story of how they probably think I'm some walking Nazi who regulate people's pace or something.
After writing it out, it doesn't seem so bad, but I was mortified at the time. Worse, it was self-induced mortification. This is why I shouldn't go out in public. Or be around people. Ugh.