Tuesday, 7 May 2013

My anecdote for the day

**Warning. The following is a story I've been over-thinking all day. You may skip it now, read a different post or do this instead (click me!)**

 You know how you have those moments in your life where you inwardly cringe at yourself. Maybe you did or said something stupid? And you over think the situation. Then one day, when you least expect it and you have too much time to think you catch yourself cringing again at that stupid thing you did one day. I had one of those today.

   Before today I didn't think I was that socially awkward. I laughed at those people who said awkward, inappropriate things at completely the wrong time. I knew I could make people feel really uncomfortable and awkward - if I wanted to - but I mostly said the right things and could feign interest with seamless ease. Oh, how little I knew.

  Today we all went to Wellington so that the boys could go and watch Jurassic Park 3D and us girls could go shopping. We were walking down Courtney Place, after dropping off the boys, where I was walking behind some relatively slow walkers. You know the ones. I have to say they weren't really walking that slowly but I walk at executive I'm-important-so-hurry-it-up speed so it was slow for me. Anyway, I finally saw an opportunity to walk past these loony men talking animatedly to each other when I turn to see that it's Ben Hurley and Steve Wrigley I am inwardly cursing about (for foreign viewers they are New Zealand comedians. Look 'em up. They're hilarious. And hopefully forgiving of weirdos). Of course, I do a double take and they notice that I've recognised who they are.

  I think to myself "Quick, think of something witty and clever and relevant to say. Something that'll be mildly amusing." I say the first thing that comes to my head, it's not clever or witty. At all. I have to say something, though, or it'll make it awkward. Or at least more awkward because I'm taking so long to say anything.

  "Oh my god!" I say in a theatrical tone "You walk so slooowly." I instantly say shut up in my head. What the actual fuck? I could have said anything! Anything in the world. A normal person would have said "Oh my god, it's Ben and Steve. Can I take a picture?" (Probably what they were expecting) or "Wow, you're way more beard-ie than you appear on TV." but I have to talk about their pace. They become apologetic, with Ben saying he was just laxing out and both giving tentative laughs because they have no freaking idea who I am and I'm talking like where best friends or something.

  After a half apologetic (because I'm an idiot), half terrified smile from me, I bolt on out of the situation. I walk super-human executive pace. Dear god. Why me? Why couldn't I just pretend I didn't know who they were at all?

  And that is the story of how they probably think I'm some walking Nazi who regulate people's pace or something.

  After writing it out, it doesn't seem so bad, but I was mortified at the time. Worse, it was self-induced mortification. This is why I shouldn't go out in public. Or be around people. Ugh.

Monday, 6 May 2013

Can you tell I'm procrastinating?

  I've noticed that I actually have followers! People that look at my posts voluntarily! Wow, that's amazing. Thank you people for keeping up with my vague intermittent posts. As reward you get a real blog post, one with words and little to no pictures (really Chrome, "blog" isn't a word?).

  The girl started day care today so it's been very quiet having no-one here. Quite strange being able to hear myself think for a longer period of time and actually get stuff done (hey, I cleaned a room or two, don't push me!). I have an assignment due tomorrow that I haven't finished. BUT I've done research for it. See? I'm getting better at this university thing. Yay, wildcats!

  Haven't taken too many photos lately for no particular reason. I actually came here to write an anecdote that I've inexplicably forgotten! Don't you hate that? You wander into a room to do something, get distracted and then forget why you ended up there in the first place. I bet I'll wander on out again and remember. Actually, this happens to me several times in real life...in a row. And it's not until what feels like the 50th time I've gone into the room that I remember what I was doing (normally something menial like fix a rug).

  On that note, I'll talk about something that wasn't the something I came here for but too long for twitter (which, for the record, is where most of my random anecdotes end up. You should check it out. It's...sometimes hilarious, mostly whiny. Hmm...maybe you shouldn't. Just pretend I'm a nice, non-whining person that is a nice wholesome home-maker who makes fifty cakes a day. Yeah.).

  So, my children exhibit what I like to call "the tunnel effect". Basically, if you make an arch of some sort with your body (say, you're standing with your legs hip-width apart whilst exercising, or you're sitting on the floor with your feet flat on the ground) my children will want to and eventually will crawl through the impromptu tunnel. Normally this isn't a problem.

  There was this one time I was doing stretches and my daughter was crying and she, instead of coming to be picked up, crawled through my legs instead. Another time, I was doing dinner or something and she saw me from the hall and crawled as fast as she could through my legs in case I decided to move.

  The thing is, it's not just the girl that does it, the boy will do it too. Though, it mostly occurs when the girl is around but even when very upset they'll both still crawl through the tunnel like it's in their kid contracts they signed at birth or something. Sometimes, if there isn't enough room for them, they will force their way through, even if it induces crying, just to make it through. No-one's happy at the end of that.

  I'm starting to wonder if it's a compulsion. Do all children do this? I imagine a lot of children like to do it but it seems like mine go to extreme lengths to make it happen. And it HAS to happen. (Don't mistake this for ACTUAL concern for their psyche, I'm sure it's quite normal. Or rather I hope it is, or it's just one of those strange things that they do as brother and sister. Kind of like how I like to make up operatic songs about their escapades. Which is TOTALLY NORMAL. Okay!?)

  Nope, still have no idea what that anecdote was. I'll probably remember again a few months down the track.

I forgot to post last last Sunday. Oops. Well, here it is!

  Argh! So, this past month has been hard for my boy and he's regressed back in toilet training. I am SO OVER this and kind of want to skip ahead a few years until it's all done. I hope the girl isn't this hard or I think I may well go mad (well, madder. This isn't doing wonders for my sanity, rest assured). He's just damn lucky that he is a relatively good boy or there'd be a perpetual storm cloud over my head.

  I also think that kids at day care are noticing and he is being teased about it - being called "Smelly" or "Yuck" by one kid in particular. Though, I may well be hearing exaggerated circumstances, I think I might have to talk to day care about it. While 4 year olds are very blunt and honest (most of the time), I still think that it should be reinforced that name calling is not okay. Think I may also ask about what is going on there because they are terrible at telling me anything about what happens there without lots of questions from me. Unfortunately, this day care is actually one of the best in the area (and it's still not great), so changing isn't really an option.

  Anyway, went on a random rage tangent there. Apologies for the lack of posting Sunday. I see loyalist hopeful for eye-wonders were left disappointed and I am sorry. The weather hasn't been terrific, so there isn't much on the camera reel today. Even so - onwards McDuff!

The husband always comments on how this looks like some random kid is
putting their hand on his face. In reality, he actually deliberately posed like
this. Maybe it has some emotive meaning to 4 year olds?

I think the boy put this on Yzzy, but it may have been the husband. We're a
Batman household so it's hard to tell. She liked to wear it so she could take
it off. She's like that with hats too. Strange child.
Because eating cheese scones is serious business. Very serious

                           

The girl is shaking her head and it's hilarious. For both of them. The boy gets
caught up in the moment.

Because nothing says end of post like a sniffy-faced baby who's moved her
bat-mask.